Daily Archives: October 11, 2017

Working Wednesday: When You Don’t Feel Like You’re Performing Your Best

As I’ve complained about before, I have not been sleeping well. Some of this is because of Baby Girl, but it’s not all her fault. The weather, my bed frame being messed up, my husband keeping late hours and my own general anxiety have been colluding to make sure that even if I get 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, they aren’t my best hours. I’ve never been fantastic at operating on less sleep, but I swear I used to be better at it.

Then, there are some work problems; I can’t find a student worker (which isn’t my fault, but you’d better believe I’m internalizing anyway), which has led to me missing meetings and occasionally having to close the library. There’s the natural, normal adjustment that comes with some new administration at the main campus. And there’s the feeling (whether real or imagined) that people aren’t using my library as much (which is silly; we’re a third of the way through the month and have more than a third of our normal visitor count.)

All of this has led to me feeling like I’m not performing my best at work. And that leads me to wonder if that’s actually true, or if it’s all in my head. I usually dress very smartly for work, but I think Monday was the first time in three weeks I put on a pair of real high heels. On the other hand, I’ve taught four class instruction sessions and had a one-on-one consultation with a student.

If my boss was on this campus, I’d probably just talk to him and see what he thought of my progress for the year, but since he doesn’t see me daily, I can’t. And no one at this campus really understands what I do from day to day. So I continue muddling on.

I’m thinking about starting a work journal, where I can keep track of what I’ve done for the day. I think that might help – and hell, it might help when I go up for tenure next year, too!

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